Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
