He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
