I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
