at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
they're like a gay fantastic four
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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