she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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