A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
