How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
