i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
