take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
