Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
