Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
did i just pee glitter
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
