so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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