I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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