This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
