lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
