When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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