Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
