smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
