she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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