the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also, beer. Big fan.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Drunk is a universal language darling
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
