I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize