can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
