How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
