if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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