Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
