Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
