remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
