If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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