I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
