Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
