I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize