Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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