Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
