what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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