I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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