meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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