no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
