Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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