did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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