I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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