You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
