MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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