he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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