We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
