the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
