Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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