i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
