great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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