why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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