his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
