$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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