Don't you send me to vm
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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