new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
