weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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