Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
