Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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