She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
