i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
