Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
