so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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