Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
