I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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