I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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