I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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