Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
