its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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