There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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