U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
