I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
