Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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