is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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