I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
