my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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