it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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