So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
